NEW YORK MY HOME

“One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years"
-Thomas Wolfe quotes-


I recently took a mini trip to my home away from home, New York City. I needed to revisit my past. This year has been a very trying year for me, and I am not going to lie when I tell you I can't wait for it to end. New York was my college. It educated me to what kind of world we live in and how important it is to pay attention to the world around you. I found myself falling into the darkside of the city. Staying out to early hours partying, doing drugs, and basically forgetting why I was there in the first place. I was on the downward spiral to death. Many times I had no money and I would steal food from the deli, or snag a Snickers Bar to get me through the day. I was young and extremely emotionally immature. I met and fell in love with my Sister Alise. I know that sounds odd, but keep reading. Our time in NYC was an amazing time, and she was the one responsible for pulling me out of my hole. Not long after meeting her, I moved to Philadelphia with her and we began to make a life for ourselves. Young and in love. It wasn't too long before we found out we were pregnant with our first child Juliet. This is where my path of young retardation began. I spent a good portion of our marriage living a lie and being scared to speak the truth to her or anyone for that matter. I was not faithful, nor did I give her my soul. I communicated poorly and disregarded a lot. I was so very stupid. As time moved on we drifted a part, but remained a team for the children. We were always a great team when it came to the kids, or at least when I decided to wake up out of my daze and realize that I had children and it was time to be a part of their lives. Sometime around the age of 28. To much time had passed and far to much damage had been done. We both knew that the marriage was dead and it was time to move on. 2007 has been the hardest year of my life. So many changes. So many emotional moments. Bridges burned. Hearts broken. Friendships tainted. Its time to end. However, returning back to NYC and retracing my memories and just being there closed out that chapter which I held on to. I looked at that symbolic city with much more mature eyes. I take nothing back that I have experienced thus far, for it has done nothing but teach me important lessons and make me stronger as an individual. I appreciate the good times I had with Alise as well as the not so good, and mostly I appreciate my three beautiful children that we created. The Universe did not intend for us to remain together as a husband and a wife, but it did intend for us to go through some very hard times together. I say this to all of you, because if you have noticed. 2007 seems to be the year of house cleaning. I have never seen so many people fall into divorce, separation, and breakups. The lesson to be learned mostly, is that regardless of how hard you fall. You can pick yourself up. Brush yourself off, and continue on. There is no need for hate or have ill feelings. Alise has every right to hate me, and she chooses not to. Why? Because she loves me. Not as a husband, but as a brother. She loves me because I have been her family and she has been mine. We both know that as a couple we don't work, but as a family we do and there is no reason why this can't be for everyone else out there who is going through the same thing. I know it hurts. I know you may have been the one to have your heart ripped out, but forget not the time you shared. Life is far to short to dwell on the "I wish I would haves." Family is important, and there is no rule of thumb that defines what or who family is to be. She is my sister and I am her brother. Our past is our past, and now its our learned lessons, experiences, and memories. What is important, is what you learned and how strong it made you. Your death bed experience should be one that you think about your memories and are okay with, both good and bad. Not wishing you would have done this or that. Waste no more energy on the negatives and think of all that you have learned. Revisit the past with wiser eyes and you too will see that life is all about struggle, pain, love, happiness, fear, sadness, and most of all EXPERIENCE!
Now go live the Epic Life!